He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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