Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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