JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
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He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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