Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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