i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
