how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
