Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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