its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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