is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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