All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
