She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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