please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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