Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
