Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
