you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
