i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
