Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
