when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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