Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?