..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
