How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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