Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
