..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
