The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
