why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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