oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
