Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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