it hurts more in the daytime
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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