You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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