just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
