this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
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So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
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We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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