Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
