there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
please don't ironically join a cult
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