I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
