Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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