My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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