I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
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Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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