He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?