the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.