Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
