Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
