This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
