My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
