I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
