my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
