We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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