Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
