Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
