my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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