Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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