I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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