Just mADE A PArabola og urine
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
