I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
