i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
