the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
What a dumb baby whore.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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