i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
