you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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