you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
