Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Everclear isn't food dammit
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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