Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
