You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
vagina is talking i cant
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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