Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
