I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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