Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
