Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
