Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
