Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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